The holiday calendar fills up, with one family claiming Christmas Eve and the other, Boxing Day. Or when there are stepparents and siblings who all must be accommodated over Hanukkah. Whatever the holiday and family configurations, the challenge to fit everything in creates pressure on everyone.
If we’ve learned anything in this post-pandemic, politically charged world, it’s that we only have so much of ourselves to give. Living up to anyone else’s standards is so last century, especially during the festive season. In that spirit, we’ll explore some of the ways to reduce stress, save time, and go easier on yourself this year.
Low Effort, Major Impact on Glam
“The holidays should be about enjoying yourself,” says Maria Bikas of MBSalon on Richmond St. and MBSalon Boutík Therapeía on Southdale Road, “not spending all your time getting ready for them.”
For a polished look without a lot of fuss, her top recommendation is a weekly or bi-weekly blowout. “It’s one of the easiest ways to maintain that put-together feeling without having to style your hair from scratch every day,” Bikas advises. “A beautiful blowout can carry you through several days, transition easily from daytime to evening, and instantly make you feel more confident and glamorous. It’s really about maximum impact with minimum daily effort.”
When it comes to makeup, Bikas suggests focusing on key areas rather than committing to a full-face application. “Start with a light, moisturizing skin tint to even and brighten the complexion while still allowing the skin to look fresh and natural,” she suggests. “Don’t underestimate the eyebrows. A little definition through the brows can immediately make someone look more polished and awake. From there, add a lip and cheek tint or a beautiful gloss. And if there’s another minute to spare, one coat of mascara to separate and define the lashes creates a fuller, brighter-eyed look.”
Hands up, everyone who has fasted the morning of a big family get-together only to arrive famished and eat more than they planned.
Scaling Back Expenses, Not Excitement
When Sheryl Rooth and her three siblings got together for Christmas, there were nine children between the ages of five and eight. Everyone bought presents for everyone. The kids didn’t know who had bought which gift, and the adults realized it was out of control. Rooth, a community engagement manager for a non-profit, knew it was madness.
Rooth recalls, “My siblings and I are looking at each other like ‘this is stupid, but it’s Christmas, and this is what we do.’” It took the divorce and subsequent financial stress of one of her siblings to inspire the others to take stock of how much they were spending. “There was no way we were going to expect them (the newly divorced couple) to buy presents for all of the nieces and nephews,” Rooth explains, “so we just all agreed that we weren’t going to do it anymore. We decided to chip in and get something for our mom and dad and have a potluck.”
With the host unburdened from providing the whole meal, and the flurry of tearing open gifts not a factor, the siblings braced themselves for their children’s reactions. “They didn’t even notice,” Rooth recalls. “Not one of them said, ‘how come there’s no presents?’, or ‘why aren’t we bringing presents?’ My siblings will all tell you it’s the best decision we ever made.”
Talking the Talk
It comes down to clear communication and hearing everyone out, says Family Enterprise Advisor Tammy Buss of Blue Roots Inc. She says family members and colleagues often assume things about each other without confirming whether those assumptions are accurate.
“In a lot of cases, parents just want to keep things the way they were when the kids were little,” she explains. “But now the kids are married and have children. And they want their own family traditions. Understand that and talk to them. Ask them what the most meaningful thing is to them. And keep that.”
Buss says the younger generation worries about disappointing their parents, and parents are stressed about making it to get-togethers or preparing to host them. “It’s like, oh, I’ve got to go to mom’s in the morning and the mother-in-law’s in the afternoon,” she says. “Everyone’s under the same pressure.”
It’s also about setting boundaries, Buss says, in a kind and thoughtful fashion. “Maybe the young married couple doesn’t want the grandparents over when the kids are opening their gifts. They want the children to do it first thing and not have to wait. So, they can have the grandparents come over later.”
Buss facilitates difficult conversations between family members who do business together, adding another dimension to the holidays. She says it’s not realistic to avoid work talk completely.
“Pick a time and go to a separate room to discuss business,” she advises. “Say, from eight until nine we’ll go into the den and discuss work. Then when we return, we can be present for our families.”
Taming Turkey and the Trimmings
Hands up, everyone who has fasted the morning of a big family get-together only to arrive famished and eat more than they planned. The latest dietary advice is not to compensate for a big feast by skipping meals or circling the buffet with a calorie counter. However, that doesn’t mean loading up a plate with everything in sight.
Health Canada advises us to enjoy what we eat. Go ahead and try that tempting-looking dish you’ve never had or decadent family favourite, and savour it. But the agency also suggests keeping as close to your regular diet as possible. Eat plenty of vegetables and fibre-rich foods. Make water the beverage of choice, at least alternating it with sugary or alcoholic drinks. It’s the adage: everything in moderation.
One of the biggest benefits of a potluck, besides spreading the effort around, is the variety of foods on offer. Many families have a vegetarian or vegan who will make a veggie dish. Another culture might inspire a contribution. As delicious as they are, there ought to be options on offer apart from melted cheese and heavy meat dishes.
Working Out the Gift-Wrapping Kinks
Exercising in the water can be a kinder, gentler way to ease tired muscles. Jill Ellis-Worthington, founder and lead instructor at Water On Aquatic Fitness, says in most cases movement is better than no movement. “Bent over for a long time wrapping packages, or reaching for something in the store and you hurt a bit. If the back hurts or the knees hurt, the immediate response is to sit down, and that’s going to make it worse. Any movement is going to keep those joints lubricated and moving.”
Ellis-Worthington explains the initial class at Water On is meant to ease participants into the program. “It’s ‘go at your own pace,’” she says. “I have people who haven’t worked out in a while. They’ve had surgery. Some are water hesitant. They’re in my initial level where we’re only in the shallow end.”
Water On offers more intense classes for those who want them and even brings classes to condo and community pools. There’s a Fight Club option where participants are invited to work out pent-up stress over an incident that’s nagging at them. They launch jabs and uppercuts, safely, in the water.
“Somebody grabs the gift you were after while you’re Christmas shopping, and Fight Club gets rid of that stress. Afterwards everybody is hooting and hollering. Don’t take that stress into the holidays,” says Ellis-Worthington. “Don’t take it to your family.”
And don’t take it on yourself. You’ve got enough to worry about, and this time of year is meant to be enjoyable for everyone, including you.
LISA BRANDT is a freelance writer, voice-over professional, podcaster and author of five books. You can find her at voiceoflisabrandt.com. She lives in Port Stanley with her husband and their supervisor, a senior cat named Cuddles.
